| I don't really know what to say... |
[30 Oct 2007|03:45pm] |
|
other than...
I'm Pregnant!!!
This is all happening so fast but I am very happy and I know I will be able to handle it.
|
|
| I love him! |
[01 Oct 2007|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
He is happy now. I haven't seen him this happy ever. I am glad I can make him feel that way.
Now he is talking about marriage and everything.
I knew there was a reason why I was destined to wait so long for this relationship.
I am more than glad that I fought for him and more than glad that I didn't rush into a doomed relationship before this one.
I love him sooo much. It increadable.
He is everything to me and I am glad I can be everything to him.
So from now on I will be more than happy and to make it even better is that now we are getting our own place that we can happily call ours.
|
|
|
[07 Sep 2007|09:19am] |
|
I finally told him everything... well almost. I think he is re-thinking things because he says me and him are to different but we have been talking morning to night every day for like the past few days so maybe he was wrong. Who knows.
|
|
|
[18 Aug 2007|12:54pm] |
Grrr...
I am not a jealous type because I already knew he had a girlfriend but at the same time I wanted to spend the weekend just chilling out with them. All they have been doing all morning is talking online to that stupid bitch. I hope she jumps in front of a bus.
|
|
|
[07 Aug 2007|11:35am] |
I am just going to be his friend for now and be there when shit hits the fan.
Only thing is, I just don't know if I like the idea of her moving in with me and him in November.
So maybe he will get sick of her before then.
One can only hope.
Until then I am having the time of my life.
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2007|11:32am] |
Okay so basically things are just going slow.
I think that maybe if I take it slow then things will mean so much more in the end.
|
|
|
[28 Jul 2007|10:31am] |
It has been a long to weeks.
I am scared to death for him.
Maybe this really is love...
|
|
|
[17 Jul 2007|04:41pm] |
I am scared to death.
I am moved in with him his sister and his best friend.
I love all three of them to death and I wouldn't change where I am for the world.
But with me loving him as much as I do I am going ot be crushed when he starts bringing his girlfriend around the house.
|
|
|
[04 Jul 2007|12:05pm] |
Okay if I thought it was bad before it just got worse.
We spill our hearts to each other and drop the "L" bomb.
Then when we were lying in bed we starting kissing and stuff and just before things got to serious he stormed out.
All he said was "I can't do this"
Then he went to Mike to talk to him about it and the only thing I found out is he went to Jessie and said "I fucked up."
He has yet to expain his reasonings to me and I kind of feel like maybe he didn't mean the things he said to me out on the porch swing.
I know what I said is exactly what I meant I am smart enough not to say things I don't mean.
Well good news is I told him everything i have been trying to tell him for about 2 weeks.
|
|
|
[01 Jul 2007|01:42pm] |
Okay so maybe she was the key I needed.
Maybe if I'm lucky things will go my way this time.
I had a lot of fun hanging out with her last night and I am glad we get along so well.
Things aren't always what they seem.
My life is not over yet and I am going to live it to the max.
|
|
|
[24 Jun 2007|12:54pm] |
I don't commonly think about it but when I do I don't know if I should be excited or scared.
I am not going to get my hopes up and I am not going to depress myself, I am just going to let time take it's course.
I will know for sure by next week, I hope, so I can stop all this thinking and wondering.
|
|
|
[08 Jun 2007|10:39am] |
I hope things work out for me tonight.
My life may get better.
But just as easily get worse.
Cross your fingers for me.
|
|
| i need help for one of my classes |
[26 Apr 2007|11:05am] |
|
Hey guys... I have a Human Sexuality Class in college right now and need your help please fill out the following survey--- HONESTLY!
Your name will NOT be on it... so please take a min. to fill it out:
Age:
Sex:
Marital Status:
Sexual Orientation:
1.Have you ever viewed a pornographic film?
A. If not- would you ever consider it?
2. How often do you watch them ?
3. Why do you watch it?
4. How do you get the porn?
5. Who are you around when you watch it? (ex. alone, with boyfriend or girlfriend, or a group)?
6. What type of porn do you like the best? (ex. woman and man, woman and woman, man and man, group)?
7. Where are you the most when you watch it?
8. Do these pornographic films give you ideas of things to do with a partner?
A. Have you attempted any of these ideas???
Thanks a bunch!!!
|
|
|
[21 Apr 2007|02:18am] |
It just gets better and better.
Sigh.
I think I may be in love.
|
|
|
[26 Mar 2007|09:37pm] |
1. Name a person who made you smile today.
Glen.
2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Being awoken by my alarm that I ignored anyway.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Getting home from class.
5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Okay talk to you in a bit.
6. How many different things did you drink today?
Vault and lemonade.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Brown.
8. What was the last thing you bought?
Gas.
9. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you hugged?
Joey.
10. What color is your front door?
White.
11. Where do you keep your change?
Where ever it falls in my purse or in my wallet.
12. What is the weather like today?
Reasonable.
13. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chip mint.
14. What is something you are excited about?
Wednesday night.
15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
To long ago.
16. What size shoe do you wear?
9.
17. Are you random?
I believe so.
19. Do you want to cut your hair?
A little bit.
20. Are you over the age of 25?
Ha no.
21. Do you talk alot?
To much.
22. Do you watch The O.C?
Um no.
23. Does your screen name have an "x" in it?
No it doesn't.
24. Do you know anyone named Steven?
I know of them.
25. Do you make up your own words?
I try to.
26. Are you ticklish?
Way to much.
27. Are you typically a jealous person?
I would say no.
28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "S":
Sean.
29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "M":
Melissa.
30. Who's the 1st person on your received calls list?
Elyse.
31. What did the last text message you received say?
"Okay love" - my wife.
32. Do you chew on your straws?
Whenever I have one.
33. Do you have curly hair?
Nope its mostly straight.
34. When is the next concert you're going to?
Wednesday I am going to Flagstaff to see one.
36. How many times have you sworn today?
Far to many for being at work all day.
37. What is something you say a lot?
I don't say anything in specific a lot but I do quote Dane Cook a lot.
38. What is the last thing you ate?
Sloppy Joe.
39. Have you seen the movie "Dazed & Confused"?
Many times.
40. Do you have work tomorrow?
Yea at 7 fucking 30.
41. Is marriage in your future?
Doubt it.
42. When was the last time you said "I love you."?
I don't remember.
42. Last kiss on the cheek?
Elyse.
43. What should you be doing right now?
Nothing.
44. Do you have a nickname?
Ally.
45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
Not really.
46. When was the last time you used a skateboard?
Way back in the day when Ash was trying to teach me.
47. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
Employee of the Month.
50. Are you currently depressed?
Not that I know of.
50. Last big hug?
Chistine.
51. Did you cry today?
Nope haven't cried in a long while.
52. Do you like someone right now?
You could say that.
53. Are you currently playing any sports?
Me sports? Ha no.
54. Have you been dumped in the last month?
Nope.
55. Last time you listened to music?
At work.
56. Last time you watched tv?
Right before I started this.
57. Do you miss someone right now?
I miss a lot of people actually.
58. What are you doing at this very moment?
This and talking to my daddy.
|
|
|
[15 Mar 2007|09:04am] |
Hands down last night was the best I ever had!!!!!!!
That is all!
|
|
| I am feeling so great!!! |
[13 Mar 2007|08:49pm] |
Okay so my weekend was pretty cool I guess.
So Saturday after traffic school (which wasn't that bad afterall) I went to Angela's baby shower and ended up staying longer then I planned because it only made me leave for Cali all the later. It was fun though and I didn't want to leave.
So at like 5:30 I went to pick up Elyse so we could make our way to Cali.
We thought we got lost in Needles but we were going the right way it just didn't look it but it's okay because it gave us time to get some food.
So after 2 long as back roads and 2 freeways about 10 phone calls to Randy because we were lost (or at least we thought we were) all together took about 3 and a half hours we made it to Hemet. The party was already started at Ryans and we quickly got introduced to everyone and just as quickly got completely trashed. Don't ask me what happened after that because I don't even know. All I know for sure is I hooked up with a chick, took my birth control pill with a shot of rum, drank 7 shots of rum, 1 of jager, and 1 of vodka, I apparently drunk dialed someone and I don't know what I said but apparently I left a drunk message which caused him to call back and get bitched out by Elyse and Randy, and when I woke up the next morning I was missing the button on my skirt. So all and all I am kinda glad I don't remember.
Sunday was much less eventful. We woke up and got lunch at Wendy's and then drove to Riverside. When we got there we just hung around doing nothing for a really long time then I got a phone call I never expected and got told things I already have heard before (from my parents) by a guy who has told me many times that he wasn't my friend anymore. Apparently though there is something inside him that still cares about me. Anyway after talking to him for awhile the guy that was doing the tattoos got there. He did Elyse's first she got her last name across her stomache. By the time he finished hers it was like 10. He had to go do some erands after that and by the time he got back to do mine me and Elyse had already decided to just leave and go back to Hemet. This is the story... We were about to pull out of her lot and we saw the guy get out of his car so we stopped to tell him we were leaving but then he was like well I can do it now if you want and so we were like "fine we are getting a hotel room and we could do it there." So they said okay and so we left to go to the closest hotel which was right next door practically. The ultimate sign that told me I shouldn't get the tattoo was when we went to the hotel there was no one there to let us in and pay so we decided it was best I didn't get it and we drove back to Hemet. All we ended up doing there was sleeping anyway because we hadn't gotten that much the night before.
Monday morning came to fast and we had to leave. So at 10 we left his house got gas and was on the road. We decided to take the freeway all the way back (huge mistake) it ended up taking us 5 hours or more. We didn't get here till like 3:30. When I got home I went and picked up Joey so we could hang out because I really needed someone to talk to. So we went to the river and just sat around and talked then went to dinner at Del Taco and then he talked me into ditching my class.
So we went to the Riverside so I could play hooky. We played like 3 games of pool then decided we wanted to go bowling. I had a little to drink because I had left over Vodka from when Elyse gave it to me forever ago. So I was feeling pretty good. After about 4 games of bowling we decided to go home. Joey drove and when we got to his house I drove the rest but I don't think I was that messed up because I remember everything that happened and everything I said. I don't know why but hanging out with that boy makes me feel better.
So as you can see my weekend was pretty good.
I came to the conclusion that wishing on stars does work and all this time I was wishing for the wrong thing. So Sunday night for the first time I wished I would get over him and as it I stand today I believe I can honestly say I am.
I hope he is happy with his new girlfriend and I hope that maybe someday when he grows up he will realize that he lost something special and I know for damn sure he will never get it back.
|
|
| my future tattoo |
[07 Mar 2007|01:50pm] |
|
 I need peoples opinions. I think it needs more shading on the petals and I am not sure about the droplets. Please let me know what you think.
|
|
| I just don't get him. |
[04 Mar 2007|02:59am] |
I have been trying to prove to him that he hasn't gotten to me and yet I can't prove it to myself.
I pretend that it doesn't bother me when I see him with other people and kissing all up on other girls but it really does.
I love him so much and it isn't fair.
I have the worst habbit of falling for the only guy I can never have.
I want to start over and just have me and him come to an agreement not to listen to other people.
I think that was part of the problem.
I over-reacted because other people told me he thought I was crazy and he over-reacted because people told him I was in love.
I do understand that he would kind of feel weird when he found out my feelings for him but like I promised him and myself I
wouldn't let them get in the way.
I have decided I am going to ask him out to lunch on one of the days he has off work so that we can just figure out what went wrong.
I will let him explain to me what happened and then I will repeat back to him what he said but with my own interpretation just so that we can come to an understanding.
I am trying to convince myself that it has nothing to do with the fact that we had sex and that there is just something in his life that he can't get ahold of right now but in all reality I don't even know anymore.
I have tried and tried and tried.
I have showed him that it doesn't bother me.
I have inavertedly told him I forgave him and that I want to be friends again.
I have appologized for my mistakes because if I go down at least I will have gotten it off my chest.
I just can't believe it all ended up like this.
I wish with all my soul that I could have one more chance to fix it all.
I am hoping that he accepts my invitation to lunch and that we can hear each other out.
I just hope he can be man enough to at least give me that.
I just wish I could quit him.
I have tried to be cool with him.
I finally know what it is like to get replaced so quickly.
I don't care that he has other friends.
I don't care that he dates other girls.
I just want him to know that I am there for him because in the end I would rather be back as his best friend then here in this endless circle of him (as far as I can tell) being indecisive about our friendship.
I heard him tell Elyse that he felt "betrayed" by me and with that I want to tell him that I would never betray him and that I am
truthfully sorry that it felt that way.
I miss him!
|
|
|
[28 Feb 2007|05:34pm] |
So I am sitting at work bored as hell. I got permission from my boss to have fun and do what I want because I am all alone and she said not to worry myself. I don't think it is so bad working alone I thought I would have a lot more problems but most of the questions I've had have simple answers. Anyway I talked to stupid boy again last night because he decided to text me yesterday with this long drawn out stupid shit. I swear its romantic that he is a poet except for when he writes evil poems about how bad a friend I am:
His poem: You should have been a friend and realized I was doing something for a friend instead of freaking out, you should of been a friend and not tell anyone about another persons personal life, you should have been a friend and sucked it up and accepted it and continued on with life but no, the world had to stop for you, now you have Elyse cover for you and she could have been a friend and told you that night you picked up Joey but I guess friendship wasn't strong enough for two.
Him: All I want is for you and Elyse to leave me alone so I can fucking think.
Me: Who's personal life did I talk about? All I know is that I talked about my own life. And what do you mean I should have accepted it? Accepted what that my best friend would turn his back on me over something as simple as v-day? And no the world didn't stop to me and you are crazy to think it did because my world stops for no one. I have no control over what other people say and what other people care about so what ever they say is on them and not on me because I didn't make it their business. And Elyse isn't covering for me because what I said is what I heard and I can't be blamed for that because it wasn't a lie, I have never lied to you because like I said I considered you one of my best friends. So you have a lot of nerve telling me how bad a friend I was because I would have done anything for you. And I understand you need time to think so take all the time you need. I'll be here.
Then that was that for a long time I hung out with Joey we played like 5 games of pool and then when we were on our way to Del Taco to get some food I got a text from him.
Him: Your right she probably was going to ditch me on v-day.
Me: (blown away by that response) Okay and I wanted to say sorry for saying anything I learned that I shouldn't play messenger and it won't happen again.
Him: So tell her happy fucking v-day and goodbye to the both of you until I get my head straight.
Me: (as told to say by Joey) Don't be so hasty to say goodbye.
Him: (I guess taking it differently then Joey had thought) Good Fucking Bye!
And thats the last I have heard from him but I mean it was only last night and he is still talking to Joey and Christine so I don't think it will be to long till he talks to me again.
Some happy news though I got my pay check today and it was $300 so I can go on another shopping spree well at least get a few new shirts or something. Yay!!!
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
weak_emotions's journal